Dating Over 30 – #15

I haven’t really been in the mood to date. It may or may not be the reason my last date went so awry.

I try not to have ideas anymore. I try not to run the gamut in my mind of the entire relationship before we pick up the check. I have found myself doing that on occasion.

It happened with DoucheCanoe but I dated him anyway. That was a disaster and way worse than I could have imagined.

I did it with Captain Weenie and learned where his crazy buttons were within three months. I win!! And it totally meshed with what went down last week. He’s going to be who he is and I’m going to be who I am.

Things I’ve discovered about myself: I AM NOT SHY.

Reserved? Maybe.

Prim? Never.

My old job, I had to hold my tongue. That spell is wearing off. I speak my mind more. I enjoy it. I try not to be mean but sometimes it comes out. It’s a part of who I am and I understand the way my mother tried to temper it. It went far awry from her plan. I became mute.

One of my coworkers compared me to Daria after we’d been talking about the show a bit. It’s not the first time, won’t be the last time. Only difference is, Daria endured and excelled in areas where I just gave up. Not even gonna lie, some of my friends thought MTV was spying on me for some of those plotlines. The similarities were astonishing.

I’m awkward. Most people don’t see it until I’ve accidentally snubbed the bud they were trying to set me up with or the new girlfriend that they just knew I’d hit it off with. Sometimes, I just don’t get it. I don’t read the signs well. I don’t catch on.

Sometimes, the things I have every reason to like… I despise. No rhyme. No reason. Just is.

I’ve gotten some notifications from the apps I’ve left running. No one jumps out at me.

I’m a bit tired of it and wish it were easier.

I’ve been invited… a few times… to watch a band play. I don’t ever go. The crowds. The distance. The possibility that I might meet someone there. All terrifying. I just laugh off the invite and remind those youngsters that I’m an old lady and have no business out past my bedtime. It’s just easier.

Doing nothing is extremely easy. And it’s utterly without reward.

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And I have net again.

Geez, I’ve been away a while.

My internet was just installed after a month-long ordeal.

Recap:

I’ve moved closer to work. Very close.

I’m still settling in. I’m in financial dires but I’m working it out. I’m trying to keep my shit together so that I can keep doing so.

Today? Trigger day. It’s my mother’s birthday and I’ve tried to keep from thinking about it. I loved her and that was wonderful. Dad sent his text out. I teared up. My sister posted some angel bullshit to Facebook and I choked up. Then I shut it down. I cannot afford to wallow because that just starts a whole other mess of shit that I don’t want to deal with. Tomorrow is my ex’s birthday and also the estimated due date of the child I almost had. He or she would have turned 5 tomorrow. Friday is Dad’s birthday and I just need to keep it together so when I call him, I can sound like a grown-up.

This was the 3rd appointment I made to have my internet installed. It was hassle after hassle and this company has really shitty customer service. The rep who took my order was wonderful. The technician was wonderful. The TEN people I talked in between were terrible, terrible people but I didn’t have any options given my geographic location as there’s only one company who will come out to this place. I finally have it and it’s still giving me problems but I have faith that it’s just the first day type shit.

Stuff at work is better. The drama, for the most part, doesn’t involve me. Miranda was talked to and she actually changed before she was talked to because she knew from the moment I walked in that Thursday that she was in deep shit. My only problem with her now is that she’s convinced my buddy “David” and I should be dating. I… Work is not my hunting ground. He’s an attractive and funny dude but he’s my buddy. That’s a line I will not cross. I just wish Miranda would leave it alone. I don’t show him preferential treatment but we have a rapport and it keeps both of us going through the longer days.

Speaking of which. Captain Weenie made a reemergence. He was the dude that had a firm timeline for our relationship before it started and I was too fragile to handle anything more than winging it. He and I did not part well. Well, he and I found each other on a dating app (a different one than the one we originally met on) and agreed to meet up and try again with a clean slate… Apparently, he doesn’t actually know what that phrase means.

The first go round was okay. We met on this one app. We went on a terrible date. Bad food, not enough conversation. We mutually declared a mulligan in the middle. Changed locations and started over. CW and myself had a lot in common. This led to a second date. Third date cancelled on account of my old crazy job. On our actual third date, I met half of his friends. I wasn’t expecting it. I introduced him to Laurel and Ninjamin. They liked him. I liked him. He liked me… He wanted me to RSVP to an invitation that he had to RSVP to very shortly. It was a destination wedding. It was going to be he and I on a trip across state to his best friend’s wedding. We’d only hugged by that point. Dates kept getting interrupted by work, and also some panic attacks. One date was at my place cause I sprained my ankle. He still didn’t make it to first base. Gerald and I had a conversation about it. I couldn’t get it up for CW. We were alike, maybe too much alike and I had to kill it sooner rather than later. I called it off. He told me I had issues in a sort of backhanded manner that left a bad taste in my mouth.

So, this clean slate coffee thing? Not so much. I still felt zero sexual attraction. This is a very horny lady speaking. Very. Couldn’t get that feeling going. Maybe it was a bit obvious as we chitchatted and got caught up on the last three years. He made a snide comment about my focus. Okay, I say snide but it was offhand. Maybe I was distracted. Maybe I was still thinking about the way he took his dismissal. Maybe I was just too aloof. Something about me just set him off. Now, on his good days, his voice is still softer than mine… it was kind of funny. I didn’t mean to laugh. I did. Just a little. It was fuckin’ adorable. He stormed out. I finished my coffee and then went to a movie. I had a better time at the movie by myself.

I usually do.

So Captain Weenie and I were not meant to be.

So… maybe I do have a habit of emasculating men but I do adore them. I like them a lot.

Shrug.

I’m just gonna buy some birds and become a crazy bird lady.

Songs of the Week:

SanguinDrake – Get Up And Walk Away

Kacey Musgraves – The Trailer Song

The Darkness – I Believe in Thing Called Love

Rosalee and Steve Carlson – I Believe

Anna Kendrick – Cups

Grant Lee Buffalo – Demon Called Deception

Jeff Buckley – Lover, You Should Have Come Over

Lana Del Ray – Once Upon A Dream

SanguinDrake – Instant Gratification

Cyndi Lauper – Time After Time

Dating over 30 — #14

So, I played hooky. I know tomorrow is my official day off but I’m exhausted and I needed a full weekend because I plan on working a lot in the near future. As much as my body will let me. And I’m going to ramp up my housekeeping skills. So, I need to plan and get a head start.

I reactivated some of my profiles. I don’t know if I’m ready but I need to make a change. I was scolling through the messages I hadn’t read. There are some gems.

“Do you have an extra heart, mine seems to have been stolen.”

“If life was a book, you’d be the fine print!”

Cheesy but about what I expected. One of the sites registers popularity and my rose without me doing a damn thing. It’s a little creepy.

I’m trying to just be honest with myself. I have a little crush on a person I know. He’s generally accepted as an asshole and it’s a deterrent but I feel a spark. No clue if he does because I suck at that stuff. I’ve been burned by younger guys before. I just figure I’ll enjoy the company while I have it.

Really, I just want a guy who treats me nice and has something else to do while I’m writing or reading a book and is not going to freak out that I put Finger Eleven, Bob Seger, Madilyn Bailey and The Civil Wars in the same playlist. Cause that’s totally going to happen all the time. I’m going to listen to Harry Potter soundtracks while I read about zombies. I’m going to write about dragons while I watch SVU. I’m going to talk about Supernatural and Defiance for hours. I’m going to recount the events of The Women of The Otherworld. I’m going to rant about Tony Romo and cheer on the Cowboys. I’m going to cry when I watch Sunshine. I will not allow anything Twilight related in my home. Gonna make popcorn to read books. Gonna put onions and jalapenos in anything I can get away with. Same goes for Hatch chile. The coffee’s going to be hot and black. I’m going to eat lemons all by themselves, jalapenos too. Gonna tuck myself into a corner and enjoy the scenery. Gonna hide in the bathroom when my anxiety runs too high. Gonna wear my Captain America shirt in public all the damn time. I’ll lose weight when I’m good and ready and not a moment sooner and certainly not for anyone else’s benefit.

Too tall an order? We’ll see.

Did I ever climb out of this hole?

I’m still not out of the deep, dark hole I fell in but I am seeing the light. You can’t force it. You can’t fight it. You just learn to roll with it until you can breathe like a normal(ish) human being again.

I’m meeting a potential new roommate tonight so I have a lot of work to do today. I have to clean the damn house and do it much better than I have been. Good thing I just finished steeping that orange-vinegar that does everything. I watched it go this morning. Bleach didn’t even touch the stubborn tomato seeds but the orange-vinegar got ’em with just about 20 seconds of soaking in it.

Last couple of days I’ve been laughing my head off at parodies. About things I love, about things I hate, about things I had no clue about.

Enjoy with me and a hot cup of coffee and this lovely rainy weather:

1. Batman Maybe = Best Summary of The Dark Knight Rises ever

2. Sing Talk = Best Summary of Kesha EVER

3. White N Nerdy = Weird Al doing what he does

4. Man Boobs = Key of Awesome doing what they do

5. We’re Not Young = Way better than We Are Young

6. Girlfriend = Creepy girlfriend version

7. We Can’t Stop = the algorithm of Cyrus

8. Jewish And You Know It = Cause the original didn’t make me laugh nearly as much as this does

9. Someone Like You = Alternate look at Adele’s songbook

10. Man of Steel = I still haven’t seen the movie but the bar was set pretty high

 

There are loads more but no one should be glued to YouTube like I have been this week. Mostly filling time til those Elysium interviews pop up and really until that movie comes out. I’m saving my $7 for that.

Boredom, Listlessness and Tunes

I’ve been so bored and listless that almost nothing is entertaining for long unless I find some way to be fanatic about it. The only thing I’ve hit with gusto? Burn Notice marathon. I’m officially one episode from being caught up and it’s been… three weeks? I watched the whole damn thing. Maybe I wasn’t paying full attention but it’s one of those shows where you can get away with it.

Truly. Narration, plot, intro to sub-plot, narration, narration, shooting, narration, explosion, sub-plot wrapped up, new twist in plot.

Jeffrey Donovan always seems to wince when he smiles but is pretty good at pretending to be other people while acting as Mike Westen.

Anyway. My new neighbor is LOUD. She sticks her kids in the apartment then steps out onto the breezeway to have shouting matches with her mother, best friend, ex-husband and sister. I know way too much about her divorce. I’ve never actually laid eyes on the woman. I just need her to shut up and stop being so vile.

I’ve tried a few things. I bought a radio. First one I’ve own and used in years, literally. I just don’t listen to the radio enough because it makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I have an MP3 library but my computer is starting to crap out. It’s got an auxiliary so I can listen the way I’m used to but is more portable than my non-lap laptop.

I keep forgetting my google password and am disgusted with the new ones. It’s a never ending cycle.

I did read an entire book in three days. I was actually disappointed it took me so long. I’m rusty.

I’ve tried writing… or editing things I’ve written. No gusto. I could damage it irreparably if I keep at it.

I wanted to reject a roommate applicant for misspelling “were” as “ware”. I forgave him as he sent the message at midnight. I still don’t know if I want to do that except that I’m tired and I think there’s a high chance I just need to bite the bullet and get a body in there that will pay some bills.

Anyway. Tomorrow the plan is to sleep and do laundry. I think. We’ll see.

Tunes for my daily commute:

I solved it!!

I am not the mostly technologically advanced person. This is mainly due to financial reasons. I stopped keeping up with tech mags because I can’t afford anything.

My dad thinks I’m a tech wizard. All I ever really do for him is make sure things are plugged in, rebooted and I clear his cache from time to time. A monkey can do what I can do. Talking to IT guys and gals always have them shaking their heads at me.

Still. I managed to replace the CD-ROM on my laptop so I can use MS-Word like a grownup. I’m sorry but Apache Open Office 3 is not doing it for me. So many headaches. I tried AbiWord and that’s just a step up from the old MS WordPad. Check, I bet it’s on your computer and you never even thought about it. I know I didn’t. My only use for NotePad were my days of hard-coding my websites because it was fun back then. I don’t give a crap now. TEMPLATES! CLICK AND DRAG!

Anyway. My phone has been acting up for months but it’s been the low man on the totem pole while I’m fighting to make sure my car doesn’t get repossessed. I have to dial every number (that I no longer keep in my head cause who does that?) or I have to only call people I text because that’s the only way I can do it. My contacts manager simply shuts down when I’m only trying to call Dad or BigSis or LittleSis.

I solved that today. Turns out my Hotmail app was gumming up the works. Only I had upgraded to Outlook a few months ago when I was prompted. I just forgot to uninstall. And BAM! 10 seconds later. My contacts manager works! It was so simple but I had to wade through so many blogs and message boards to find it.

So put simply:

Motorola Atrix 2 – error message: Contacts storage has stopped unexpectedly.

Force Close

Your solution:

Uninstall Hotmail App

You’re welcome.

I know! I KNOW!

Why in the world do I still use Hotmail? The address still works and that’s where I send all the shit I don’t want clogging up my important email. You know, the one I give out with my resumes and to family.

My phone made me get a gmail account but I don’t use it except for reminders on when Google Play gets new free music. Cause FREE MUSIC. Maybe also to manage my YouTube account cause Sad Cat Diary? Awesome! And you know what else? Nate Fisher does employee evaluations and they’re hilarious.

But yeah. Useless Hotmail/Outlook accounts. Nearly useless Gmail Accounts… Yahoo. I used to have ICQ but bleh. I am trying to streamline this shit but damn. Technology is a hungry beast.

Which reminds me… I was actually doing some writing today… then I got distracted by the litter box, and the gnat problem and then the phone problem. I hope I didn’t leave any characters in peril… cause that’s just a shitty thing to do to someone(s) I love.

 

Attitude

So, I’ve found in the last couple of weeks that attitude is crucially important to your environment.

I work in a room the size of a classroom. There are roughly 25 people in. All 25 people are on the phone or two, on a Nextel and typing simultaneously. It’s noisy and we’re all fighting to hear and speak and be heard and also communicate with the two or three other individuals who are working on the same thing.

Generally, I have a good time at work. I’m getting faster. I’m learning how to speak to specific people about specific things. I don’t stress about it when I come home.

There are some days. Three to be exact. When I hate work. It’s not the type of work. It’s not the business. It’s not that anyone in particular is being mean or nasty.

It’s just there’s this fellow with a nasty attitude. He seems to suck everyone into his mood. I get the feeling that he doesn’t like me. That part doesn’t matter. I can work with anyone. I can be kind to anyone. I’ve been overtly kind to this fellow. He has problems with a lot of individuals. I don’t know if he takes it out on me or if just knowing that he’s in a bad mood just puts me in one.

I don’t learn when I work with him. I cringe. He’s fairly consistent with it and I appreciate that much. I can guarantee that once a day I will laugh with him and he will also throw me under the bus for something. Every Day.

When he’s not there, I get better and faster and I find ways to enjoy my work more.

It’s really a shame that his foul moods bring me down and make me want to leave the room. I’m also kind of ornery so I’m also determined NOT to leave the room. I don’t even take lunch anymore. It ruins my rhythm and I feel like it’s an excuse to find something to throw me under the bus for.

It seemed a little paranoid, even for me. Even my weird moods lately, I figured it was just anxiety or depression rearing its ugly head. I’ve been taking my mood stabilizers. They’ve helped. Those three days are still the three I dread. I push through and I find the strength to stay in my seat but I’m thinking I may change my seat in relation so that I can focus on working more than what snarling comment is going to come out of his mouth. And truthfully, he doesn’t even need to say anything. He just carries the snarliness with him.

Which brings me to other things that bug me about attitude.

My job works like this:

I get a phone call, I take down details, I may ask for a time frame from a third party, I relay that time frame over the phone. I enter my call and send a service out to be completed.

OR I get a digital request, I ask for a time frame from a third party, I enter that time frame. I enter the request and send  a service out to be completed.

What happens next is I monitor the progress of the service. I might have to call someone to request more time. I might have to notify a customer that things are behind schedule. Then I check on everyone to make sure the service was complete. I’ll get an invoice number, enter it.

I do this over and over and over again.

Things will go wrong. I’ll make extra phone calls to explain that the customer cancelled, or left before the service could be completed. You name it. Sometime we get wrong addresses, phone numbers. It’s a big hassle but it’s all part of a cycle.

When I have to call a rep and explain something that went wrong, the rep should anticipate that these things will happen. It’s life. We’re relying on people to either behave like adults or act like wandering fools or that equipment will malfunction. You can’t have a job where everything goes right all the time. It’s just not possible.

Expectations need to be reasonable.

If there’s a computer glitch that tells me that you didn’t get my magic number I typed in, I can’t proceed. I did what I was supposed to but according to what I see, I can’t move forward. I won’t call to find out what happened because the computer system records that glitch as a cancellation. So, that’s what I see. I don’t see the glitch. How do I know it’s a glitch, then? The rep will call and ask where the service is. It’s not perfect. I will be apologetic and respectful.

Translated into another scenario:

If you walk into a restaurant and place your order but then you walk away before I can tell you how much it costs, I’m probably not going to waste my time placing your order with my cook. I received no money to close the transaction.

So, when you walk up 10 minutes later and demand your food, I’m going to say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get a confirmation on the order or payment. If you would like to confirm and pay now, I’d be happy to take your order and get your food out as fast as I can.”

Your response shouldn’t be “But I ordered my food 10 minutes ago and so what if I didn’t pay for it. I want my food now or else.”

It’s frustrating when things don’t go your way but they won’t always. Computers will glitch. Traffic will happen. Equipment will fail. Tools will break. Humans will hurt themselves. Humans will wander off. Cell phones will die.

Being mean and nasty doesn’t make anything happen faster. It doesn’t change things already done. It’s just mean and nasty on top of a situation that wasn’t ideal to begin with.

Do not ruin my day because of a software glitch, or a dropped call, or a malfunctioning lug nut. I try my best to be professional and calm and speak as if I am smiling. I am helpful. I will try to figure out the best way to an outcome. I will not refuse a service unless there is a written reason why I cannot.

Today was a good day. I’m giving my appreciation to a day that was full of missed calls and ornery workers and irate reps. I’m giving my appreciation to the rep who worked with me for 20 minutes to locate a customer who didn’t know where they were. That person got help. It took too long, we probably shouldn’t have done it because it reduced productivity but we’ve all been there. I give thanks to my coworkers who ribbed me throughout the day on things I forgot to do. I got them done. Eventually they let me be and I remembered to do them by myself.

It was a good day. It was harried and rushed but it was a good kind. Tomorrow is my Friday. Then I get my day off and I plan to watch House of Cards, finally. It’ll be my reward for enduring the fellow who radiates discontent and making it through another day of disgruntled reps.

Now, I got some Eddie Izzard cued up. Possibly some Dennis Leary as well. Then it’s bed time and a new day.

10 Songs that get me through my week

I’m an awful singer.

Okay, that’s not true. I’m not a very loud singer. When I get loud, things get screechy. I had a purpose in my high school choir. Hit the note. I could do that. All my loud-mouthed brethren had to do was hear my note and belt it. I had a lot of fun doing it.

So, I sing to the radio when no one can hear me. It’s probably best that way. Energizing on the way to work and decompressing on the way home are pretty vital to my day. Not as necessary these days but still part of a familiar routine that I do enjoy.

Warning: Do not try to make sense of the mess and mass of what I listen to, it’ll only make your brain hurt.

Also, had to limit to songs I could find on youtube … it gave me a sad to realize that.

Great video; great bridge; great for shouting!

This is the only version of this song I like.

Love me some self-deprecating fellow!

Short and lovely.

I have two versions of this on my MP3 player which means I have one for either mood.

Songs from this era always remind me of my mom.

Two sure things: Death and Change

I set it to start when the song gets started; feel free to go back and listen to the band gearing up.

This was Saturday music in my house growing up.

Crazy ladies being crazy and loving it.

This is the best song in the universe and a great way to end a day.

Dating: Over 30, 2013 – Cont’d #4

I’m actually enjoying myself this week. I’m balancing it as best I can. Really early mornings mean earlier evenings and sigh. It’s the opposite of last week.

I’ve maintained ongoing conversations with one fellow. I know nothing about him. He’s shy. I haven’t been… pushy enough to get him to open up yet. It takes time for me to get comfortable, especially when it’s through a dating app. I kind of hate them.

Last night I got seven messages from dudes that I had briefly viewed their profiles and marked them as people I didn’t want to meet. They were persistent. And asinine. It was gross. It was in the middle of that ordeal that I realized today was to be Valentine’s Day. Yeah, I seemed to have timed my dating posts to land on Valentine’s Day.

I’ve never celebrated. Usually the only message I get is from my well-meaning gal pals and my father. I’m usually voluntarily single on Valentine’s Day. I’ve purposefully broken up with fellows to prevent the ooshy-gushy madness. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable. It involves being open with another person and I’ve never been comfortable being open with anyone. Even my best friends. They could tell you. They could tell you stories and stories about me. They could also tell you that I hold back. Maybe not even consciously. I just do.

The caliber of dude that I’ve dated before weren’t the kind to make grand sweeping gestures on V Day because we were fighting. They were happy to let it slide by. I was too. I’m still not too good with celebrating today. I don’t usually do chick-flick marathons unless I’m hanging out with my sisters and I defer to their judgement on what a good chick-flick is.

My go-to is blood and guts. I love action movies. Thrillers.

I had maybe one boyfriend who called on V-day. He left a message. I’d also broken up with him the week prior. He was fired that evening if I have the timeline correct. I didn’t call him back. He threw a tantrum at work. Dodged a bullet with that one.

I did get a Valentine’s message from a man today. Little weird. I’m not purposefully scaring him off. I’m just letting it be. That, in itself, is hard enough.

Oh, and look. My annual Valentine from my dad just came in. Thanks, Dad. Really. Really.

So, this week’s adventures. Disappointing and HILARIOUS:

IndiscriminateDouches:

“Pienso que eres guapo/a” (this one gave a gender neutral compliment that I had to google-translate. “I think you’re cute(masculine/feminine”)

“Do you want to see a good-looking person? Then look in the mirror!”

“Hola presiosa mandame tu numero de cell” (“Hello precious, send me your cell number.” Misspelled spanglish.)

“I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?” I thought this one was only a cliche example but it seriously happened.

OptionsPlus:

“@*&%” This douche sent me a picture of his penis out of nowhere. Small talk, little flirting. Penis. Little penis. Ugly penis. Uninvited penis.

“… surprised to see your a book worm… Hienline… even read all the Harry Potter books lmao…  the pics i put on my profile i chose purposely… one i took at work… at home a couple of days ago… i want… see me on a normal day… don’t like putting on airs.” These were just the highlights. There was so much more awkward and trying too hard to be likable.

I just want to know what the point of the decline button is if it doesn’t prevent this kind of crap.

Well, it’s my day off and I’m going to eat tortilla chips and hit the grocery store when everyone else is on their dates so I can make salsa. Maybe also some chocolate. Maybe. I might not go into the world today. I might. I don’t know.

Yeah. I’m already having one of those days.

Dating: Over 30, 2013 – Cont’d #3

This week has been minimally exciting. I say that because I’m so anxious over the new job that I don’t have time or energy to be anxious about potential suitors, which means that I’m actually talking to some of the guys who contact me off the latest site I signed up for. This has been by dating-site-app and text message for one lucky fella.

I wouldn’t say it’s going well. My current work schedule is temporary and conflicts with the times that most of these guys are up and about. Especially the ones with kids. What?!? Why would I consider a guy with kids? I’m only peripherally interested in having kids of my own. I imagine that I were settled with a great guy I’d be more inclined. I can only feel what I feel when I feel it.

The new site has an app that is even more user friendly than the actual site. It’s a little backward but I’m grateful. It’s odd to be given basic stats on a fellow: picture, age, username. Off this you’re supposed answer this question: “Would you like to meet him?” The options are “Yes,” “No,” or “Maybe.” The no will just be filed away in the ether. The maybe will be filed away for later reviewing. The yes sends a message to him that you want to meet him. I realized this in the middle of my shift today and I feel a little weird about it. That’s VERY forward for me.

I get advice from pretty reliably people these days. I found out that an ex-roommate was terrible at giving advice and had me doing things that just… knocked huge chunks out of my self-esteem. Any future references to her will be labeled as RCB. I’m not going to explain that today. RCB believed in cyber-stalking your exes. Not healthy. Not productive.

My best friend, Laurel St. James (yeah, that’s not her real name. It’s for her protection. I can be crazy and neurotic.) always tells me that I’m beautiful and awesome and she’s right. I just have to have one conversation with a douchebag and I forget that. I’m trying not to let it sink in too far. Her boyfriend, Ninja St. James (yeah, not real either) is always giving me good advice such as — “If you like him, just go up to him and kiss him. The worst he could do is turn you down.” And that is sound advice. It really is. Most guys would enjoy it, I’m told. I, however, was not born with the social graces or constitution where I feel I could do something like that. It still rings in my head sometimes. I’m assuming this is progress.

One day I will figure this out. It will be worth it.

Dating site A, which will now be known as DouchesRUs, has not been so active lately. I don’t get hits very often there and when I do, it’s for hook ups, phone sex and awkward talks about where the location of Tattooine is in Texas.

Dating site B will now be known as IndiscriminateDouches has been fairly active but not with the kind of attention I like. Hilarious. but not good.

“Why is a good looking person like you still single?” (This guy looked creepily like my ex.)

“What does it feel like to be the best looking person in this room?”

“Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?” (I laughed for a half hour after I read this and I giggle sometimes when it crosses my mind.)

Dating site C is now dubbed OptionsPlus. Why does this site get such a positive name? The messages I get are endearing and overeager sometimes. Everyone is honest and so far, self-deprecating. I’m kind of in my zone. Now to see the wizard for some courage.

One fellow pretty much copy and pasted his profile summary into the site-app-messenger when he contacted me. It was long and involved and overwhelming. Another fella was very sweet in one message and then immediately asked for my number and location. It was off putting. I did give my number to another dude and I thought I had explained to him that this week I can’t get calls or texts during my training hours. This is the only time he texts me and it takes me four+ hours to text him back usually. The last fellow started texting me at 7 am this morning. Seems nice. I managed not to bite his head off for the early message but he could be anywhere, really.

I know that we get hung up on appearances and forget to treat people like people. Guys aren’t really as into appearance as they seem. I’ve seen tons of couples and just gone “WHY?!?” It’s just a fact of the world. We all need to get over ourselves and go with the person who makes us feel good about ourselves. I’ve done enough of the “I feel so bad that feeling marginally better has got to be worth something.” It’s not. I’m long over the dude to makes good on the sexual promises but otherwise fails at being a human being. I’m trying to be over the guy who says nice things but treats me horribly when the relationship stakes are high. I’m long over the guy who demands things that are totally off balance with the person I am.

Nice person looking for a nice person. It seems simple but sometimes it’s just not right. Finding the right one is part of the adventure.