I have been out of touch most of the year. Today has been a rough one.
- Hit snooze too many times.
- Found the bug I’d flicked across the room a week ago. He three times his original size and I lost him again.
- Hair color didn’t take on my sideburns (do women have sideburns?)
- My over-medium egg popped when I flipped it
- I stepped in something; gum or gummy or taffy – something sticky
- realized I turned up the heat instead of down when I left for work
- work was a shit-show
- got a text from landlady that my rent check never made it (we’re halfway through the month)
- some weirdo was leering at us after work
- people’s feelings got hurt because I focus at work.
- Got to work on time
- packed my lunch
- ate my lunch
- got praises for being awesome in a shit-show of a day
- Getting reimbursed for my rent-check calamity and a letter as proof of purchase from my bank
- got my order from the lady who makes everyone buy from her neice
- found the bug, he’s dying – good for him
- No pain
I stopped going to the doctor because the PT specialist weirded me out and it was expensive to go weekly. I still feel good but am probably backsliding a bit. Still losing weight. A lot closer to 300 than I was six months ago. I’m gonna say it’s eating regular meals and getting better sleep because nothing else has really changed.
I stopped dating because it’s awful. Stalkers, mama’s boys, meninists. And everything is my fault apparently. Too sexual, too prudish, too independent, too indecisive, immovable, too strict, too lax, not religious enough, too superstitious, too nerdy, not nerdy enough, don’t know how to party, party too hard, talk too much, don’t talk enough, Mom hates me, Dad loves me, friends love me, grandma hates me.
All at the same damn time.
Still have my goals but life conspires to keep me from them.
So, I started playing video games back in September. It was a hobby that I could use to 1) correct posture (I don’t recline and play games, I sit up, ready to pounce), 2) get out some aggression and stress, 3) take me out of my life. Worked but now I have a new obsession. Not all games just one. The Last of Us. It’s amazing. I can play it over and over. It’s got enough of a story to be a movie. It’s got enough game play to satisfy the beast. I was upset that there wasn’t a sequel or a movie… but now a sequel has been announced and I will wait impatiently for it.
I have played other games: Journey, Walking Dead Seasons 1 & 2. I also have a library full of them to keep me busy awhile.
I started reading again but in spurts. One weekend, I read 3 books. I’m due for another soon but it’s the holidays and I start projects and don’t finish them quite a bit.
My laptop died and I had to get another but cheaped out and it has almost no memory but now I have external drives that do the bulk of storage. Cloud services have disappointed and try to eat my files. Still, I’m doing the things that I like to do.
I am alive. I am doing mostly well. I’m getting to happier and happier places. My old friends aren’t… I don’t miss them much. I’m okay with my current friends. I’m still keeping to myself but it’s more of… I’m used to it than I seek to be myself.
I’m starting to be okay with myself. I love that.
I play video games. I collect comic books. I watch sci-fi. I read cheesy romance novels. I imagine a world of magic and dragons. I love me.
Tunes that I keep in my mind (Also trailers for awesome things):