Checking In

I have been out of touch most of the year. Today has been a rough one.

Bad things:

  • Hit snooze too many times.
  • Found the bug I’d flicked across the room a week ago. He three times his original size and I lost him again.
  • Hair color didn’t take on my sideburns (do women have sideburns?)
  • My over-medium egg popped when I flipped it
  • I stepped in something; gum or gummy or taffy – something sticky
  • realized I turned up the heat instead of down when I left for work
  • work was a shit-show
  • got a text from landlady that my rent check never made it (we’re halfway through the month)
  • some weirdo was leering at us after work
  • people’s feelings got hurt because I focus at work.

Good things:

  • Got to work on time
  • packed my lunch
  • ate my lunch
  • got praises for being awesome in a shit-show of a day
  • Getting reimbursed for my rent-check calamity and a letter as proof of purchase from my bank
  • got my order from the lady who makes everyone buy from her neice
  • found the bug, he’s dying – good for him
  • No pain


I stopped going to the doctor because the PT specialist weirded me out and it was expensive to go weekly. I still feel good but am probably backsliding a bit. Still losing weight. A lot closer to 300 than I was six months ago. I’m gonna say it’s eating regular meals and getting better sleep because nothing else has really changed.

I stopped dating because it’s awful. Stalkers, mama’s boys, meninists. And everything is my fault apparently. Too sexual, too prudish, too independent, too indecisive, immovable, too strict, too lax, not religious enough, too superstitious, too nerdy, not nerdy enough, don’t know how to party, party too hard, talk too much, don’t talk enough, Mom hates me, Dad loves me, friends love me, grandma hates me.

All at the same damn time.

Still have my goals but life conspires to keep me from them.

So, I started playing video games back in September. It was a hobby that I could use to 1) correct posture (I don’t recline and play games, I sit up, ready to pounce), 2) get out some aggression and stress, 3) take me out of my life. Worked but now I have a new obsession. Not all games just one. The Last of Us. It’s amazing. I can play it over and over. It’s got enough of a story to be a movie. It’s got enough game play to satisfy the beast. I was upset that there wasn’t a sequel or a movie… but now a sequel has been announced and I will wait impatiently for it.

I have played other games: Journey, Walking Dead Seasons 1 & 2. I also have a library full of them to keep me busy awhile.

I started reading again but in spurts. One weekend, I read 3 books. I’m due for another soon but it’s the holidays and I start projects and don’t finish them quite a bit.

My laptop died and I had to get another but cheaped out and it has almost no memory but now I have external drives that do the bulk of storage. Cloud services have disappointed and try to eat my files. Still, I’m doing the things that I like to do.

I am alive. I am doing mostly well. I’m getting to happier and happier places. My old friends aren’t… I don’t miss them much. I’m okay with my current friends. I’m still keeping to myself but it’s more of… I’m used to it than I seek to be myself.

I’m starting to be okay with myself. I love that.

I play video games. I collect comic books. I watch sci-fi. I read cheesy romance novels. I imagine a world of magic and dragons. I love me.

Tunes that I keep in my mind (Also trailers for awesome things):


Another day off, another day of mind wandering

Still don’t know if I’m getting better or worse. I’m planning an outing for myself next Friday. It’s important that I do this outing by myself or else I’m just using my buds as crutches.

I like my sci-fi. Always have. Makes me the oddball in the family. My brother likes sci-fi so long as things explode. My sisters indulge my long-winded musings on why I like this or that.

Top 10 Movies:

Sunshine – The Sun is dying and a second and last effort is being made to “restart” it.

Stargate – The Pyramids were build by aliens and when they were chased off, they left some artifacts behind that change history.

Enemy Mine – A Human and a Drac crash-land on a deserted planet and have to survive, meaning they have to work together.

Pandorum – Earth is overpopulated and has sent out an Ark to find another place to inhabit, but something went wrong.

Solarbabies – Earth is a desert, orphans are slaves but wait, a fall star with sentience and an 80’s beat.

The Dark Crystal – Genocide, slavery, sorcery, science, mysticism… as portrayed by puppets.

Donnie Darko – Visions and mayhem and time travel.

Pitch Black – A cargo ship crash lands on a planet on the eve of a sustained eclipse which releases creatures that thrive in the dark.

Independence Day – Earth, we all have to hate and defeat someone… why not killer aliens determined to take our planet.

Cowboys and Aliens – Because it’s cowboys and aliens, that’s why.


Not going to include or exclude Star Wars but it’s these movies I can watch over and over and over. Some are silly. Some are deep. Some are movies no one liked. I don’t care.

Given what sells tickets these days, I’ll take comfort in knowing what I like.

Books into Movies/TV:

Harry Potter – It’s refreshing that are still series made that won’t rot the brain and movies that at least do them justice.

Hunger Games – I know we still haven’t seen the second movie but I like what I’ve seen so far, the books are very accessible without being too dumbed down.

Dexter – Paths diverged but eventually we all get there. (Maybe not sci-fi but delving into the psyche of a serial killer is one of those theoretical things I wonder about)

A Song of Ice and Fire – Incomplete in both forms but so damned addicting. Again the show diverged from the books but if Mr. Martin doesn’t step it up the show will finish before the books.

Roswell High – Greatly changed from book to screen but no less entertaining. I might have enjoyed seeing Alex turned into a bouncy cheesy-poof but the show had no shot of lasting that long even if they had gone more strictly by the books.

The Watchmen – I don’t care what anyone says, the interpretation was pretty damn good. I could not have dealt with that final battle being done the way the comic did it.

The Losers – Despite the scrambled storyline in the movie, it was pretty good. Could still have a sequel but I doubt it will happen. I’m not saying I would like to see Jeffrey Dean Morgan get blown up but they should finish what was started.

Books Series I think should get more attention

Urban Shaman – It sounds ridiculous but it’s wonderful

Otherworld – Is getting it’s due. FINALLY! We’ll see how it turns out

Greywalker – PI who can walk through walls and see the haunted history of a place. Uh. Yeah!

Inheritor’s Cycle – There are only two books and I’ve been told there will be no more but an alternate history of Elizabethan era manipulated by aliens???

Anyway. That’s where my mind goes. I like sci-fi but not everything. I like Kelly Mediing series but not the rest of the Dreg City series. I wasn’t a fan of the Truthseeker series but I love C.E. Murphy stuff. There’s another books series that I loved but I never got to finish and I cannot remember the name of. It’s pissing me off. In fact, when I first saw the first trailer for Star Trek, I thought this movie was about this book. It wasn’t. I had a sad. Star Trek was good but I really want this series to make it to either movies or television. It’s gonna bug me for months!

Boredom, Listlessness and Tunes

I’ve been so bored and listless that almost nothing is entertaining for long unless I find some way to be fanatic about it. The only thing I’ve hit with gusto? Burn Notice marathon. I’m officially one episode from being caught up and it’s been… three weeks? I watched the whole damn thing. Maybe I wasn’t paying full attention but it’s one of those shows where you can get away with it.

Truly. Narration, plot, intro to sub-plot, narration, narration, shooting, narration, explosion, sub-plot wrapped up, new twist in plot.

Jeffrey Donovan always seems to wince when he smiles but is pretty good at pretending to be other people while acting as Mike Westen.

Anyway. My new neighbor is LOUD. She sticks her kids in the apartment then steps out onto the breezeway to have shouting matches with her mother, best friend, ex-husband and sister. I know way too much about her divorce. I’ve never actually laid eyes on the woman. I just need her to shut up and stop being so vile.

I’ve tried a few things. I bought a radio. First one I’ve own and used in years, literally. I just don’t listen to the radio enough because it makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I have an MP3 library but my computer is starting to crap out. It’s got an auxiliary so I can listen the way I’m used to but is more portable than my non-lap laptop.

I keep forgetting my google password and am disgusted with the new ones. It’s a never ending cycle.

I did read an entire book in three days. I was actually disappointed it took me so long. I’m rusty.

I’ve tried writing… or editing things I’ve written. No gusto. I could damage it irreparably if I keep at it.

I wanted to reject a roommate applicant for misspelling “were” as “ware”. I forgave him as he sent the message at midnight. I still don’t know if I want to do that except that I’m tired and I think there’s a high chance I just need to bite the bullet and get a body in there that will pay some bills.

Anyway. Tomorrow the plan is to sleep and do laundry. I think. We’ll see.

Tunes for my daily commute:


I’ve been watching this show. I find it fascinating. It’s not for everyone. Nearly every character has some major flaws that makes them almost unlikeable. They also have some pretty charismatic actors to portray them. Some trade off.

This idea of a show on an Earth that is no longer like the Earth we see around us. That some characters still remember as the lavish world of comfort is pretty damn interesting. Lots of in-jokes that date the characters “If you don’t play “shiny happy people” you’re fired.”

Our human leaders – White, Native American, White – Ironic that the NA is the one with the biggest hate-on for the other races.

The premise is that sometime in the near future aliens come. They’ve fled their home system because a rogue star colliding with their home star was going to kill them all. So, five races held their own versions of lottery/selective passage/snuck aboard and set off for the nearest habitable planet. They had all sorts of tools to make the transition to a new system easier. Namely Terra-forming technology. Naturally, there’s a war because we don’t want them here. Ships get destroyed, terra-forming do-dads get loose on earth. The entire landscape changes. Literally. All Over The Earth.

In this world of the aftermath. After the wars are over. After the races have decided to get on with their lives. After. After. After. The survivors are trying to keep themselves alive. They’re using wreckage of the ships, rubble of cities and the scraps of the world before to move on. Adults remember the worlds that were but the children have never known anything different from the desert wasteland that is Earth.

Humans have their baggage. The aliens have their baggage. All the baggage gets in the way of the cooperation of the races. Sound a tad familiar?

I find myself getting lost in thought a lot while watching the show. Just watching how the races interact with each other. The war has come and gone and the survivors are trying to survive but they keep making the mistakes that we’ve tried to overcome.

The episode I watched today dealt with plague and racism. Every episode deals with racism.

Irisa, the Irathient, raised by a human because crappy parents are a universal issue.

They gathered all the members of one race, the Irathients, in the town and stuck them in the mines. One of these unfortunate individuals stated “You know they’re going to gas us.” Or something to that effect.

Makes me wonder why we don’t learn. Ever. I mean we’re forced to read about atrocities in school. We remember the ones that are the most horrific, the most talked about. Everyone can tell you something about the Holocaust and American Slavery. Some people will be able to give you some tidbits about the Trail of Tears. Almost no one I know can tell you anything about the “deportations” of Mexicans through out time. Sure, sure, recent history but back when Texas was a newly claimed territory, the natives were sent “home” to a land most of them had never known. No one talks about that. It’s still a pretty hot button issue.

If you don’t think so, just watch me go when I’ve been waiting in line with racist rednecks for any length of time. They love to ask me where I’m from and they get pissy when my answer never changes. I’m from Texas. My folks are from Texas, their folks are from Texas, mostly. One of my grandmothers is from Colorado. One of her parents is from Mexico. My dad’s father’s people… about eight generations ago, came over on a boat. From Spain. The wife in that duo was from France but one of her folks was from England.

See, I’m just as mixed up as everyone else in this country. I get a lot of shit cause my skin is brown. Also… I have to check like three boxes on any census because there is no single box for me. (Native American, Hispanic-Mexican, this last one is usually a two-parter).

So, maybe I identity with the issues that are on parade every week on Sci-Fi… or SyFy. SyFy is a stupid name for a network, by the way. It makes me sad that the reason I love this show so much is that it seems to be a pretty accurate depiction of what would happen if we were given more people to hate. It’s not like we’re all that friendly to the people we’ve already got on this planet, forget adding some more.

Castithans who, guess what, are run by a caste system which has not had a lower class caste in millenia.

Every week, someone is hating on the Irathients and the Castithans feel snubbed and put upon because no one cares how important they used to be. Everyone lives in the dirt. THOUGH, the Castithans seem to have the richest digs I’ve ever seen. The upper-caste Castithans, that is. Everyone else lives in hovels.

Occasionally, we meet some of the ‘lesser’ races who just kind of go with the flow.

Sensoths are long-lived, strong and steady and don’t seem to give a shit about everyone else’s politics.


Liberata are the long-suffering servants of the universe, serving in order to atone for the greedy atrocities of their racial past. Not at all cryptic.

Indogenes are technologically advanced. You name it, they built it… and some other things you have no idea about.

Not all of it is about surviving each other. The war left some things behind. Weapons and things people would rather forget. Imagine if cockroaches mutated so that they not only carried disease but could grow to elephant size and chew through you if they felt like it? I know! Or the biological experiments created for warfare were found to have sentience and could not be simply decommissioned? I know! I did mention that some races snuck aboard ships? Yeah. Gremlins with a sense of purpose in destroying everything.

Biomen – Earth Defense project with no one left to manage.

Volge are the assholes of the new world. They just love tearing shit apart. You name and they were probably part of destroying it.

No Sci-Fi show is without its cliches but I really do like shows that are grounded. I love that this show is on Earth. Just like Earth: Final Conflict which had aliens arrive in a peaceful manner, to an Earth in a not too far off future, only to be subverted by the politics of alien history and warfare. Firefly that was gone and removed from Earth-that-was but held people living like people Old Western-style and also in highly advanced arenas because we all know that wealth is not universal.

Farmers, miners, prostitutes, lawmen. Rollers, coaches. Hellbugs, Volge attacks. Spirit Riders of two varieties. Castithans of multiple castes, a wide range of Earth politicians (complete with an evil bitch). It can be confusing. Understanding the entire show is not possible without a crib sheet. Enjoying it on a weekly basis is still possible.

Nolan, the human-former soldier, raising his teenage daughter Irisa, an Irathient rescued from a cult, is all perfect normal television these days. Irisa trying to understand a heritage she doesn’t know is extremely relevant these days. The McCawley-Tarr power struggles are pretty awesome since the daughter of the one and the son of the other are in love. The mad hate-on those families have for each other is pretty awesome (I always love me some Graham Greene). The lovely mayor is the older sister of the sultry madame and both are pretty taken with the new lawkeeper. The town doc has her secrets. The former mayor is in on some conspiracy. The McCawleys are up to their ears in mystery. The Tarrs are dying to get all the power they can. Earth Republic wants the mines and they don’t like the mayor.

Diseases and cult religions. Fanatics. Strange customs. Sounds like any major city on Earth now.

Heroes are in small supply.

Fear is always under the surface.

Doing what is right has changed.

It is cheesy on most occasions. Irathients come off as very gypsy-like in some episodes, other episodes American Tribe-like and always war-like. Stereotypes run rampant. All you have to do is look and you can figure out who ranks above who. It is entertaining. I stress this because we tend to pick shows apart mercilessly and forget their purpose.

There are loads of shows that I don’t watch because if I wanted to watch that, I’d step outside and participate in the nonsense outside my front door and I’d laugh a whole lot less. I tend to park in front of Sci-Fi shows, Spy shows and serial killer shows. Does it help that I can learn and think while watching a show? Yes, it does.


Defiance is a television show on SyFy and owned by NBC Universal. All images were found at