Dating Over 30 #11

Yeah, I know. I’m late. Well, my Pirates of the Caribbean marathon was far more important than blogging.

Then I spent the last hour hiding under a blanket and messaging with a fellow from a couple weeks ago.

You know that moment when you say something clever to a guy and then realize you’ve already said that exact same clever thing to him before… and that moment when he calls you on it.

Yeah, that just happened. Only it happened in messaging and he couldn’t see me turning bright red.

Somehow I managed not to make a total idiot of myself over it and I think I just made a phone date. Lord help me. Seriously. I’m going to fuck this up. I got excited and now it’s all going to go down in flames of awkward and badness.

Usually, when I get like this I act cool. To myself. Seriously. I tell myself that it’s all good cause I’m totally gonna move to Canada and meet that smokin’ hot South African I saw on one of my Sci-Fi shows.

Cause THAT’S totally gonna happen.

I am MADE OF AWKWARD.

I understand now why my folks got married young. They were too young to overthink everything. When my mother was my age, she had three kids, a husband and a mortgage. When my father was my age, he’d been to war and riots and survived my mother and his first three kids, rebuilt a ’57 hardtop and landed two vehicles for the family. They had their shit together.

I don’t have my shit even a bit together. I’ve worked three jobs in the last week. I’m contemplating adding a fourth and all because I can’t find a roommate who’s willing to play by the rules.

I’m pretty much doing anything I can not to think about my phone ringing when this dude gets off of work.

Laurel St. James and her Ninja have all kinds of faith in me and my awesomeness that I do not have in myself. My freakin’ brother-in-law even says that I’m too awesome not to attract all kinds of men but maybe he’s a little too on the nose. I do attract a bunch of men but they’re all… wrong. Nice guys seem to overlook me and I wonder if we’re doing a bit of the same. Too self-deprecating to go after what we really want.

Enough! I’m going to go hide in my closet until the phone rings.

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