This week has been minimally exciting. I say that because I’m so anxious over the new job that I don’t have time or energy to be anxious about potential suitors, which means that I’m actually talking to some of the guys who contact me off the latest site I signed up for. This has been by dating-site-app and text message for one lucky fella.
I wouldn’t say it’s going well. My current work schedule is temporary and conflicts with the times that most of these guys are up and about. Especially the ones with kids. What?!? Why would I consider a guy with kids? I’m only peripherally interested in having kids of my own. I imagine that I were settled with a great guy I’d be more inclined. I can only feel what I feel when I feel it.
The new site has an app that is even more user friendly than the actual site. It’s a little backward but I’m grateful. It’s odd to be given basic stats on a fellow: picture, age, username. Off this you’re supposed answer this question: “Would you like to meet him?” The options are “Yes,” “No,” or “Maybe.” The no will just be filed away in the ether. The maybe will be filed away for later reviewing. The yes sends a message to him that you want to meet him. I realized this in the middle of my shift today and I feel a little weird about it. That’s VERY forward for me.
I get advice from pretty reliably people these days. I found out that an ex-roommate was terrible at giving advice and had me doing things that just… knocked huge chunks out of my self-esteem. Any future references to her will be labeled as RCB. I’m not going to explain that today. RCB believed in cyber-stalking your exes. Not healthy. Not productive.
My best friend, Laurel St. James (yeah, that’s not her real name. It’s for her protection. I can be crazy and neurotic.) always tells me that I’m beautiful and awesome and she’s right. I just have to have one conversation with a douchebag and I forget that. I’m trying not to let it sink in too far. Her boyfriend, Ninja St. James (yeah, not real either) is always giving me good advice such as — “If you like him, just go up to him and kiss him. The worst he could do is turn you down.” And that is sound advice. It really is. Most guys would enjoy it, I’m told. I, however, was not born with the social graces or constitution where I feel I could do something like that. It still rings in my head sometimes. I’m assuming this is progress.
One day I will figure this out. It will be worth it.
Dating site A, which will now be known as DouchesRUs, has not been so active lately. I don’t get hits very often there and when I do, it’s for hook ups, phone sex and awkward talks about where the location of Tattooine is in Texas.
Dating site B will now be known as IndiscriminateDouches has been fairly active but not with the kind of attention I like. Hilarious. but not good.
“Why is a good looking person like you still single?” (This guy looked creepily like my ex.)
“What does it feel like to be the best looking person in this room?”
“Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?” (I laughed for a half hour after I read this and I giggle sometimes when it crosses my mind.)
Dating site C is now dubbed OptionsPlus. Why does this site get such a positive name? The messages I get are endearing and overeager sometimes. Everyone is honest and so far, self-deprecating. I’m kind of in my zone. Now to see the wizard for some courage.
One fellow pretty much copy and pasted his profile summary into the site-app-messenger when he contacted me. It was long and involved and overwhelming. Another fella was very sweet in one message and then immediately asked for my number and location. It was off putting. I did give my number to another dude and I thought I had explained to him that this week I can’t get calls or texts during my training hours. This is the only time he texts me and it takes me four+ hours to text him back usually. The last fellow started texting me at 7 am this morning. Seems nice. I managed not to bite his head off for the early message but he could be anywhere, really.
I know that we get hung up on appearances and forget to treat people like people. Guys aren’t really as into appearance as they seem. I’ve seen tons of couples and just gone “WHY?!?” It’s just a fact of the world. We all need to get over ourselves and go with the person who makes us feel good about ourselves. I’ve done enough of the “I feel so bad that feeling marginally better has got to be worth something.” It’s not. I’m long over the dude to makes good on the sexual promises but otherwise fails at being a human being. I’m trying to be over the guy who says nice things but treats me horribly when the relationship stakes are high. I’m long over the guy who demands things that are totally off balance with the person I am.
Nice person looking for a nice person. It seems simple but sometimes it’s just not right. Finding the right one is part of the adventure.