Dating: Over 30, 2013 – Continued #2

Okay, so… I joined yet another dating website. My little sister recommended it although she said she’d met some real gems on it. Can you feel my sarcasm?

She says, “It’s free. There’s a phone app and it’s really easy.”

So, I tried it. Or rather… I just signed up.

It’s been odd. There’s a couple of tests you can take that are either spot on or completely off base. This is because the questions are worded very oddly. There’s no wrong or right answer but when your answers are a) not like me at all, b) somewhat not like me, c) somewhat like me and d) completely like me…. it can skew your answers a bit.

I don’t much like to be touched. When I’m dating a guy, it happens or it doesn’t. I don’t like to be touched in public. Public Displays of Affection have always freaked me out. I was always extremely embarrassed if I walked in on my folks smooching. I’m just not the girl who hangs all over a guy. Holding hands has always felt awkward and unnecessary… which isn’t to say I won’t hold hands while watching a movie. It feels good. I don’t mind it. The way the questionaire was worded and the answers you’re allowed to give, I come off as a clinging nuisance who has to know where my man is, physically, at all times by having my arms around him. It was weird.

I’m sure there are ways I can fix that. I really hate giving the wrong impression to guys that I’m terrified of dating.

I’ve gotten several messages this evening. Only one of which I responded to.

“Hi! I noticed you mentioned music. Do you like to sing? Douche.”

“More like a rooster than a canary but it doesn’t stop me.”

“Would you like to have dinner with me? May I have your name and number? Douche.”

I know what you’re thinking. That was a perfectly good conversation to have. Yes, I will be replacing all suitors names with a Douche-moniker. I have to protect their privacy. So, why was it off-putting? Well, I’d been on the site for 10 minutes when I got this. It threw me. His name was signed to all his messages. I’m pretty sure he knows his picture is right next to his message. They don’t give names but once you give it, shouldn’t have to keep giving it. Also, this fellow lives across the metroplex from me. It’s like saying, “Sure, I will climb into your van in a city that I don’t know and you a person I met on the internet and exchanged a handful of words with.” Okay, so it was an overreaction. I do that. I’m wary of fabulously good-looking guys and their intentions.

Other messages I got:

“Hello sexy”

“a real bbw?”

The last one irks me a bit. I interpreted it as I was pretending to be BBW. There are only a few options to describe your body type to potential dates. On my end of the spectrum are “a few extra pounds” and “BBW”. I’m not gonna lie. It’s not becoming to say “a few extra pounds” when you’re teetering on the brink of morbid obesity. I’m just saying. The douche didn’t even have a picture on his profile because his “strengths lie in physical presentation.” Yeah. Creepy.

As I’m typing, I’ve gotten a new message from someone who seems genuinely interested in having a conversation. His handle is a poet’s name. Not one I’m familiar with but one I’ve heard by the by. Possibly from television. Romance, I think. Fitting? If I get snarky later, he’ll have to be able to keep up. The sci-fi jokes just pour out when I’m annoyed.

I just opened the window to the other site I just joined. More gems:

“The first move is always the toughest, isn’t it? Here goes: Hello.”

“Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”

“How are you doing this rainy afternoon?”

Tuesday’s ran had many men stuck to their computers leaving me that exact message. On the first site that I’d site up for, I got a message the other day. He moved quick. Wanted my phone number and securing my vague location in an attempt to see if I was too far outside his dating radius. I suspect the south side of town would have been a no-go. After all that mess, he figures out I’m unemployed and just stops responding. He just needed to chill for 48 hours. I’m employed now. Well. shortly. Anyway.

I’m not sure how to judge a fellow’s looks. They say a woman knows with one look if she’d sleep with a man. I’m not that confident. My past romantic entanglements have come in the form of: juvenile delinquents (I was a juvenile at the time), substitute teachers (He was a substitute for a different school), that grown delinquent’s roommate who wasn’t much removed from delinquent behavior himself, a teenaged stalker when I moved to NTX (I only count him cause he was so damned persistent), an ex-con and a nice guy. Now, that nice guy… several dates, no physical intimacy and a lot of pressure in the form of long term date commitments for situations that would have involved cross-state travel and presumably sex. In general, I’m not opposed to those things. I just don’t like the whole bit where there’s a deadline. That’s how it felt.

I’ve not been much good at anything long term. I completely fail at flirting. Just now, I thought I was being friendly with the genuinely interested fellow. I may have offended him. He’s not messaging anymore. And then he just did. See. I have no clue. Maybe I am charming. Maybe I’ll spend the next hour chatting with this fellow. There are a lot of toads out there but I’m not going to jump one because I’m desperate for a prince. I like to take my time. I’d like a friend as much as a lover.

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